Seto: Things That Piss Me Off
by Blankedty
Summary: Seto does a stand up comedy show to tell of all the things that piss him off. I got the idea from the fiction Simple Things starring Goku, by my friend Gokuru


A/n: You all know I don't own anything. Oh..and please ignore the typos..I tend to make mistakes.   
  
Setting: A night club. The room is dim; the only bright light is a spotlight, which is focused on the center stage. A tall, slender, and handsome gentleman sits on the stool holding a microphone and bottled water. He gets up speaks into microphone.  
  
????: Testing...1..2...3. This is only a test. And now I can begin the real stuff. Good evening everyone, I am your man of the night, Seto Kaiba. And I am here to tell of all the things that piss me off.  
  
(Crowd Applauds)  
  
"Okay, to begin I'm gonna start my way up from the bottom of the barrel and work my way to the top. And the first thing is Pegasus. My God how I hate that man. He is a sick twisted freak. I mean come on. What the hell? How are you suppose to talk to someone serious and call them little pet names. Oh God how I hate that. "Kaiba Boy" thing. Eew. Now that was gross."  
  
The crowd laughs a bit.  
  
"It's just nasty. The way he dresses too. I mean what color was that suit? Pink? Peach? If you ask me that spells out one thing. 'H-o-m-o'. Yes, which leads to another thing that pisses me off. Why do people think I'm gay? Or that I'm some kind of incest freak. No, that's not me. I'm a hard working business man. I don't have time to go looking for women, but believe me if I had time, I would look for them. I'm not gay. I'm not attracted to my little brother, Mokuba. And I'm not attracted to Yugi. I'm tired of going on fanfiction.net and there are a bunch of Seto x Yugi fics, or Seto x any other guy. I hate that. For example, people think I'd actually go out with Joey Wheeler. Hell no! That's just sick and wrong. Think about it. Even if I was gay (which I'm not) would I go out with Joey? I hate the loser. He's pathetic. I don't even understand why Yugi is friends with him. Yugi is far more superior than he is. Hey...who knows...maybe they're the gay ones."  
  
"Hehehe." The crowd laughed. Some people spilling their sodas and drinks.  
  
"Another couple of things that pisses me off is me and that bitch Tea Gardner. I hate her too. Who the hell does she think she is? Do you hear the way she talks to me? As if I'm one of her loser friends and so on. I don't wanna hear your voice bitch, don't go on. You upset me with your existence alone." Seto sipped some of his bottled water.  
  
"Okay, some other stuff...hm...oh yes, Serenity. I have nothing against the girl, but don't pair me with her. Why would I go out with my enemy's sister? Someone please tell me? You think I'm gonna date, then some day get married to this girl? You think I want Wheeler as a part of my family? No! That wouldn't even be the last thing I'd want. Does any one ever think about me when they do such things? Do you people even think how I feel? I suppose not, because you'll go out and do it anyways. That is another thing that pisses me off."  
  
The crowd laughs. Peoples faces turn red.  
  
"I have just so much more to go on with. Oh...yes everyone thinks I'm a cold hearted bastard. Well wouldn't you be one too if you lived the life I did? I'm pretty sure you would. I hated the orphanage which I lived in, and I also hated the man who adopted me. I hated the way he treated me, and used me...so you know what? I pulled the rug from right under his feet and ended conquering his company over him. Cause he was a loser."  
  
The crowd laughs more to the recently made comment.  
  
"Now what is up with Yugi and all that tight leather? Now I'm not really looking cause I'm interest...but...it's hard not to notice. I mean and the chain around his neck. That just screams 'fuck me'. I try hard to look away, but there again, all in my face. Okay leather is okay to wear and all, but to wear it all the time is simply...you know what...no comment."  
  
The crowd applauds.  
  
"Oh...and the whole spirit of the millennium puzzle thing. And..this Yami? I mean come on...he's taller, his hair changes somewhat...and his voice deepens. And then they come bringing out this dumb ass thing...destiny...and saving the world...some 5,000 years ago. WHO CARES ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED 5,000 YEARS AGO!? That was back then...and what happened doesn't concern me. It's the year 2004, pay attention to things like...the Matrix for example. Is it real? Is it not real? Come on, quit dwelling on the past. I hate dwelling on the past. Stupid waste of time."  
  
The crowd applauses again.  
  
"Oh...some other junk that pisses off are those damned people. Marik, Duke, and Ishizu. Marik thinks he's so much better than me. Wait till I get his Egyptian God card. And Ishizu keeps telling me of 'destiny' ands some lame predictions. She's psychic and knows the future and past. Puuuuleeease........if I wanted someone to tell me of my future I would call Miss Cleo. I'm pretty sure she knows so much more."  
  
The crowd laughs loudly.  
  
"And Duke Devlin. One thing I have to ask about him. What purpose does he serve? Why is he here? Hm? Do you ever wonder? Him and that Bakura guy. What reasons are they in the show? I have not the slightest clue but them being there also pisses me off, like everything else I mentioned before."  
  
The crowd applauses and laughs loudly.  
  
"Oh..and also...one more thing..Mokuba. I love my little brother with all my heart but...LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Oh my goodness, he follows me like a stalker follows his victim. It's insane. Every minute he cries out 'Seto! Seto!' Go call some else, would you? Sometimes I feel like giving up my company so I don't have to deal with him. He's got an annoying voice and...I'm just gonna stop from here. I don't even care anymore."  
  
"And another thing, what is up with my enemies always stealing my little brother to get to me? It gets worn out..now really. And then I go and try and save him only to end up getting trapped or in trouble my self. Then I have to depend on that midget, Yugi to save me. I tell you I seriously feel like a loser when that part happens. I just wanna roll over and die when I have to wait for Yugi to save me. I hate that. If you were real men you'd fight me face to face. Not cheat me by kidnapping my little brother, then using it to your advantage. God! This is only the beginning of the things that truly piss me off." He sips his bottled water and takes a seat back on the stool.  
  
The crowd laughs hysterically. People fall out of their seats, and folks are running around the isles like they just received the holy ghost.  
  
A/n: Like? Please say you do. 


End file.
